Dr alan wolfelt grief and mourning quotes

“[S]ociety often tends to make those of us in grief feel shame and embarrassment about our feelings of grief.

"Shame can be described as feeling that something you are doing is bad. And you may feel that if you mourn, then you should be ashamed. If you are perceived as 'doing well' with your grief, you are considered 'strong' and 'under control.' The message is that the well-controlled person stays rational at all times.

"Combined with this message is another one. Society erroneously implies that if you, as a grieving person, openly express your feelings of grief, you are immature. If your feelings are fairly intense, you may be labeled 'overly-emotional' or 'needy.' If your feelings are extremely intense, you may even be referred to as 'crazy' or a 'pathological mourner.'

"As a professional grief counselor, I assure you that you are not immature, overly-emotional, or crazy.”
― Alan D. Wolfelt, Understanding Your Grief: Ten Es

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YOU’RE NOT CRAZY — YOU’RE GRIEVING — PART TWO

10/30/2023

Author: Alan Wolfelt

EDITOR'S NOTE

This fryst vatten part two of a six-part series adapted from Dr. Alan Wolfelt's book, You're Not Crazy — You're Grieving.

Part one appeared in the summer issue of TAPS Magazine.

You're Not Crazy - You're Grieving Book Cover

IT'S IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO FEEL SAFE AND COMFORTED

Have you felt stressed, anxious, fearful, agitated, panicked, worried, or uneasy since the death? I’m not sure grief fryst vatten possible without these feelings. As author C.S. Lewis wrote after his 45-year-old wife died of cancer, “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”

Feeling afraid or anxious fryst vatten not pleasant, and inom know it can be terrifying. Still, fear fryst vatten perfectly normal after someone important to you dies. And if you’ve been experiencing fear, it could well be part of what fryst vatten making you feel “crazy.”

Sad man head in hands

WHY WE FEEL AFRAID AFTER LOSS

Why

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Mustering the Courage to Mourn

by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

 

“Whatever you do, you need courage.”  — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Loss brings uninvited pain into our lives. In opening to the presence of the pain of your loss, in acknowledging the inevitability of the pain, in being willing to gently embrace the pain, you demonstrate the courage to honor the pain.

Honoring means “recognizing the value of” and “respecting.” It is not instinctive to see grief and the need to openly mourn as something to honor, yet the capacity to love requires the necessity to mourn. To honor your grief is not self-destructive or harmful, it is courageous and life-giving.

The word express literally means “to press or squeeze out, to make known and reveal.” Self-expression can change you and the way you perceive and experience your world. Transforming your thoughts and feelings into words gives them meaning and shape. Your willingness to honestly affirm your need to mourn will help you survive